Another scenario that plays itself out often in my office is when one spouse or partner has to admit to the other that he or she is hiding debt, usually credit card debt, from the other. That secret Visa card with the growing balance. The department store bill on which you keep paying the minimum balance due, but that never seems to go down. The big check you wrote against your Optima card and haven’t been able to pay off. Cash advances here, cash advances there. You just sort of don’t tell your partner for a while, and then it’s too late to tell.
This terrible secret is a burden to you, if you’re carrying it, and it’s an unfair burden on your partner, who, if you share expenses together, is unconsciously also carrying the debt. Debts can’t be kept secret forever. I’ve had blowups in my office. More than once I’ve heard, “Oh, so that’s the secret. I thought maybe you were having an affair.” Responses to the news vary. Some couples decide to deal with it together, some feel that the person who created the debt has to deal with it. But even if there’s a blowup, the result of letting that secret out is always a relationship that’s truer and more honest.
Please tell your partner if you’re hiding debt. Your integrity and self-respect are more important than whether your partner gets mad at you. Get help if you need it. You’re not alone. Non-profit credit counseling bureaus have been set up all over the country to help in cases lust like yours; call one if you feel you need one. You can get out of debt. So many others have, and you can, too—and once you do, you’ll create so much more money, without being drained by your debt and your secrets.